Future Saturday

Friday night I had a vision of the future. The future on Saturday. Not the Saturday that is tomorrow, but the day after tomorrow instead of the day after today. I woke up after only being asleep for an hour. I heard cats screaming out back. I think they were fighting, but they could have caught the cat fever and gone screaming mad. I went outside to see which it was, and all I saw was a bundle of cat hair. It looked sticky, so it could have been a hairball. I think one of the cats could have screamed so much that they threw up the hair they had licked off themselves earlier that day. It still looked fresh. It was only covered in two flies.

Looking ahead, I saw a lady behind the fence. I could only see her eye peeking through the fence, but I knew it was a lady, because she had a Betty Davis eye. She screamed at me when I noticed her. She screamed so much that she threw up. Some of it splattered through the eye hole. I told her to leave me alone, even though she was only minding her own business. It was the only thing I could think to say. Leave me alone. I waited for a little bit, then I just turned and walked away. I went back inside and had a bowl of cereal, then I took a shower and went to the studio to think about what I should do with the rest of my day. I sat there for about ten minutes before I had to go pee.

My pee smelled funny. Sort of like Confunction-Junction right after all the kids have gone and left. Right after it turned five-o-clock and turned again into the time to close. My pee smelled like being open turning into being closed. It was a shock to my smelling system. Electrifying. I peed lightning bolts from the future. Tomorrow's lighting bolts flushed away today in my vision of the future Saturday that takes place in the day after tomorrow instead of the day after today.



Shhh. The longer I can whisper, the longer I have to figure out why I am whispering. I cannot shush you anyway. But I have every right to whisper, and you have every right to speak loud enough for someone other than me to hear. If I speak softer, will you lean in? Will you wait for me to write my thoughts down instead? It takes a little longer, but you can take it with you after I am done, or even leave it here for someone else to read instead.

Shhh. We say shhh when we are trying to get someone’s attention, while at the same time telling them to stop making noise. Shhh. Stop what you are doing and give me attention. Shhh. Now it's redundant. Shhh again and the shhheep wind up eaten by the wolf. There were three shhheep and one wolf. That was a really hungry wolf… or more likely a really gluttonous wolf. He puked while half-way though the second one, and then dipped the remaining shhheep in his special shhhauce. The third one actually stood there and waited her turn. She waited to be dipped in the shhhauce of her shhhisters and then chewed shhhowly into little bits. She stood there, knowing that she was shhhoon to be shhhwallowed.

Saying shhh means that no one will ever take your words shhheriously again. Your words will not be believable even if you can point out the real bits of shhheep in the puddles of special shhhauce.